If there’s a record for the consumption
of celluloid, you’ve made it a life goal
to break and, of course, there is a record
for everything on the planet from smallest
fish consumed by a tiger to most daffodils
snorted by a Catholic priest on church
property in a twenty-four-hour period.
Now all you have to do is find whoever
at Guinness is that particular gatekeeper
of your newest obsession, convince them
to drop by on Saturday for a little barbecue
you’re inviting a few close neighborhood
friends over for before you dig up your
entire backyard in a hunt for patient zero
werewolf style. Everything’s under control.
Robert Beveridge (he/him) makes noise (xterminal.bandcamp.com) and writes poetry in Akron, OH. Recent/upcoming appearances in Collective Unrest, Cough Syrup, and Blood & Bourbon, among others.