The Cure

I knew what my poison was
I drank to more than enough
I drank like drinking would give answers
to questions I haven’t asked yet

I built a cage out of the pieces of my bad self
binding steel plate to hollow bones
fusing old scars to fresh cuts
grafting silence onto my vocal cords

I chose to believe
try the new shiny thing
I tell myself this is what humans do
I tell myself take one step
I tell myself heel toe heel toe
I tell myself feel the ground
I tell myself there is a good tired at the end of a walk there is laughing with friends and there is food you’ve learnt how to cook and clothes to strut in and white ironed sheets on the white ironed bed
I tell myself this is what humans do

I think I know my poison
I stand still life pretty
play the role of my life
play the role for my life
build the cage better
build the cage stronger
build the cage for years

diamonds on my finger convince myself
this is control
this is safe
I’m the bluebird now and I drink my poison
and every night I dream I’m drowning
and every day I lie more
and every day I hurt more
and every day I twist myself
into the shape of a person I no longer respect
and every day I’m the daughter of
and every day I’m the wife of
and every day I’m the mother of
and my own name is

At night I wait to dream



Myriam San Marco is a poet, promoter and creative writing facilitator. She founded and runs Wordmakers spoken word events in Bournemouth. Her collection Sakura is available on Burning Eye.