Dead Graham Amuses Himself

Dead Graham stands in the doorway
eating a family pack of Tyrell’s crisps
my crisps

Dead Graham isn’t a ghostly thing
ghosts were at least alive once
he never was

Who’s had all my vintage Cheddar?
Dead Graham smirks from the sofa
No idea

Dead Graham lies under my bed
shouting the same line up at me
at 3am

Dead Graham stands in the doorway
Dead Graham stands in the doorway
Dead Graham…

Haven’t you got anything else?
Dead Graham hoovers in the doorway?

In the morning I can’t stop chasing
Dead Graham’s line around my head
Shitting shit!

Dead Graham wants to borrow the car
there’s a Clubcard offer on at Tesco’s
– deodorant

But we’ve not got anything down yet!
Try words that rhyme with muse?
Fuck off!

On return, Dead Graham seems quieter
He offers up a brand new three-colour biro
I’ve got pens!

Dead Graham lies on his back to think
You use too many words, you know

Actually, my next poem is very sparse
it’s based on a blank colour chart…
Can’t wait…

I offer to take Dead Graham swimming
Thought we were doing writing now?
You do it

I get back feeling really guilty again
Dead Graham’s done all the ironing

Dead Graham watches me go up to bed
Shouldn’t you be outside in the twilight?
Being ‘poety’
You know, you are so full of shit, you are
that even your shitting eyes are brown!
They’re not

Next morning, I realise I finally have it!
I rush downstairs to tell Dead Graham
the poem’s come

Looks like he grew tired of waiting though
not a single sign of Dead Graham anywhere
not even a letter.



Dominic Weston produces wildlife television programmes, runs over Somerset hills and writes poetry. His poems have been published by Agenda, Black Bough Poetry, Magma Poetry, The North, and Under The Radar among others. Website: