I want/do not want my daddy

He is screaming and crying and wants
Me and doesn’t
Want me
And is not sore and does not want medicine
But does not want to stay
In bed or get out of bed or go
Downstairs or to the window
And wants me to go away and come back
And doesn’t want carried but doesn’t want down but wants
To wriggle free and I sing
I sing increasingly tenuous verses
Of Wheels on the bus
And try to keep my voice calm
And I sing
And list things we can see
And he tells mummy to go away
And I sing
And his cries feel less like failing and we know
He could shatter at any minute
And our hearts race
And we will never ever know the reasons he was screaming



Andrew Blair is a writer and performer based in Edinburgh. He co-produced Poetry Shows and podcasts with Ross McCleary under the name ‘Poetry as Fuck’. His pamphlet ’The R-Pattz Fact 2020’ was published by Speculative Books.