It's the start of the fly-away holiday season, and I think we've all been here…
Please Read the Safety Instruction Manual
He donned a yellow jacket, pretend blew down
a red whistle. Then he pointed in front Of himself
and to either of his sides. As he did so a woman’s
voice spoke in flat monotone. Cramped on and
around a uniform row of blue seats with seatback
videos and built-in drink trays, was his section of
almost nine hundred passengers. Three or four rose
to switch places during his pre-flight performance.
It was his first flight, so airborne colleagues placed
peanuts in his replica seatbelt; they fell to the floor
as he held it up and opened it but no-one laughed or
even saw. Some were attending to crying children.
A lot were fumbling in their hand-luggage. At his
estimate over half of them had drank alcohol in the
lounge before boarding. In the portion he would be
tasked with the evacuation of in case of emergency
nine were occupied by literature. Seven of those the
overpriced in-flight duty-free catalogue.
• Will Collins is studying creative writing at Winchester University