Selbstliebe is
touching my own skin
for it not hiss back at me.
to pull apart my own heart
see the worms of anxiety and doubt
inside mages that keep me
rolling out of bed every day.
To look into my ears
for the sounds you were called when
my voice turned into a skipped cd .
then hear the sounds that make
you hide from pride.
to hack at my brain dive into the
pit of bad things you did
come back out of it the
same person you went in
not the person you were.
to become a pen and write even though
mouths
said you are a basic writer
who builds simple paths
of narration
to not punch through walls
and becoming a kick drum to your own head
when things get too loud inside of your skull
that isn’t self-love
to hide all the padlocks and keys and lids
to the boxes
you’ve spent 29 years escaping from
and being placed in.
Neal Pike is a poet and writer based in Nottinghamshire, a member of the mouthy poets. He writes about the importance of music as a place for identity disability and mental health.