Slug
low-born land mollusc
high-impact intruder
easy oozer, slime exuder
free-loader, sprout-spoiler
meandering marauder
disrespecter
of my broad-beans’ border
you’ve a one-track mind
in a one-track body
diligent pillager
soft-horned invisigoth
slow silver scribbler
paradoxically busy sloth
tithe-taker, hole-maker
indiscriminate direct debitor
bold-as-brass brassica editor
you’re a squishetty spoilsport
a glistening drag
the liquorice all-sort
nobody wants to find in the bag
you’re not as tasty as you look
it’s time that you were brought to book
listen chum, you are disposable
look at my thumb, it is opposable
unwelcome invertebrate
this might just hurt a bit
I pluck you and chuck you
into distant dew-drenched greenery
isn’t that mean of me
slug, when all is said and done
you can hide but you can’t run
*Matt Harvey's poetry has taken him from Totnes to the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club via Saturday Live, the Edinburgh Festival and the Work section of the Guardian. Often heard on BBC Radio 4, he is a regular on Saturday Live and host of the Wondermentalist Cabaret.
'Slug' is taken from his most recent collection Where Earwigs Dare (Green Books)