The Last Fish
–– is an Atlantic Bluefin Tuna, or ‘Finn’ to his mates.
He was once one of 30 million tapioca eggs.
You can sponsor Finn for as little as £1.00 a month. You’ll
receive a special certified adoption pack and a cuddly toy. He’ll
even write to you when he’s not busy launching ships or
performing card tricks at little Jimmy’s 5th birthday. He’ll
update you on his progress at least three times a year. On a
good day, his body becomes a blue-black capsule, capable of
streamlining up to 40 miles per hour in chilly Atlantic waters.
He would prefer to stay in bed, spend the morning in his Y
fronts watching Ice Road Truckers and drinking milk, straight,
from the bottle. Sponsor him today and you can choose
between a window sticker and a fridge magnet. He dreams of
performing at the Super Bowl’s half-time show, but his voice is
a bit pitchy at best. He did meth once with a school of
Herring, but the slim-sheen of their bodies created a silver
tornado that gave him a bad trip. He didn’t sleep for weeks.
Very soon, he’ll take a boat out to the Gulf of Mexico, in the
hope of miraculously spawning against all odds. He is an
anomaly, and is more likely to be picked up off the coast of
Tokyo, and auctioned for sashimi at Tsukiji fish market.
His body is worth millions in yen, and when they split him
lengthways down his underbelly, they’ll find only pink-red fronds
of meat, and the remains of a child’s rubber pencil topper.
Kathy Halliday is a Creative Writing MA student and graduate of the Creative Writing and English Literature BA programme at York St John University. Her work appears in The Cadaverine , Little Fiction and Turbulence Poetry. She lives in York.