THE DECIMALISATION OF EMILY
Emily is 36.48 years old
she's 1.65 metres tall
and measures
36.38
27.2
and 36.33 recurring
She weighs in at 128.54 pounds
as her weight hasn't got used to kilograms yet
She has regular habits
0.84 of the time
goes to bingo 1.6 times a week
and watches 14.7 hours of telly
14.6 hours of it bad telly
She goes to bed at 23.2 hours
and gets up at 6.8 a.m.
to 0.75 of a bowl of muesli
and 3.6 fluid ounces of skimmed milk
Emily has sex 1.9 times a week
0.97 of the time with her regular boyfriend
and achieves orgasm .03 of the time
with the other guy
She has 2.5 children
which confuses the family allowance people
but saves on one pair of trousers
Emily records all these details of her life accurately
0.86 of the time
in her diary
Emily thinks she has at least .95 of her finger on the button
but in fact she only knows 0.4 of it all
Emily is too clever by 0.5
• Geoff Stevens is a regular IS&T contributor – he's a poet and a painter and editor of the Purple Patch poetry magazine.
