Cat


My daughter purrs and rubs her head against my chin.
It means she wants some love.
She laps soya milk from a saucer.

Nights are sleepless
Her brain can't rest
And so we start the day with bleary eyes.
Tired miaows.
Even KittyCats must go to school.

Some times she stays
Curled tightly in a ball
She lies amidst our cats
And speaks softly with them.
On those days I teach
And stroke her
As we learn the circulatory system and
My own heart expands.
I reach around and hold her close.
Place my lips against her skin.
Breathe in her scent
And close my weeping eyes.
I cover her with fluttery kisses from babyhood.
We giggle and she chatters like a pull-string toy.

Her mania continues,
Wild laughter.
Animal sounds.
My beautiful daughter wings her feral way.
And as her pendulum begins to swing
I keep our family clock ticking,
Real-time.


My life is on hold, happening to me.
I watch from someplace else.

And still her brain can’t rest.
Her eyes and face are blank.
She mews.
“Mummy, KittyCat is tired.”
Catatonic.
Our tears fall.

When I seek help
I am handed a magic wand inside a blister pack.

My daughter calls to me.
Thick black words,
Swirling shapes and heavy patterns
Adorn her walls.
Deep-grey eyes reach inside my face.
“Mummy, Help me.”
She is tripping.
Terrified.
I have no antidote.

“My brain is broken, isn't it?”
She knows she soars and plunges
And wishes that she didn't.
She knows that people laugh and stare
And I tell her, “Yes, my love, they do.”

The doctors talk of Lithium.

I cannot make my daughter better.
I love her.
I accept her.
I enjoy her.
She is my delight, my muse,
My uninhibited beauty.

My daughter purrs.
It means she wants some love.
What a clever KittyCat she is.


• Catherine Busby says “I live in Somerset, in a small grey town, but hope to flee to a place with strong winds and seagulls one day… I have two teenage daughters and so consequently spend a lot of time driving! I use that time to allow my mind to wander freely. I always follow the Highway Code.”