Good Ones
Sometimes I wish I lived in a movie from the 40's, where everything is black and white and it either is or it isn't. Important moments are highlighted by jazz so that you know they are happening. Girls cover up and the boys don't mind because they are just happy being able to hold your hand in theirs while you dance together. And at the end of the night they get all embarrassed when they peck you on the cheek. At least the good ones do. There are no good ones in my school. None come by me anyway. One rumour and all the bad ones and the horny ones track you down and stick around like a bad taste. I know all about bad tastes.
You can't trust the good ones much either. My friend Amy had a good one, he wrote her songs and they were in love. Love leads to things because people don't understand it. They were always careful but once got a little over enthusiastic and she got pregnant. The good one freaked and begged her to get rid of it but she said she never could. He said it would ruin his life so she told him to get lost and that she didn't need him.
Now she's four months and showing. Everyone can see and I think she likes it. She went for an ultrasound and they told her it was a boy. She promised herself that she'd raise a good one.
Sometimes when I see her at school I wish I could be her foetus. I could start all over again. No regrets. If Amy was my mum I know I'd be good. I would wear shirts and cardigans and practice piano every day. And she would read me Roald Dahl books to start and then I'd learn beautiful quotes from Austin novels and Shakespeare.
It wouldn't matter that I'd be a boy because I could be caring and sensitive because I would know how girls think and feel. I'd be attractive to the good girls and I'd treat them well and maybe then I'll find out what love is.
I'm pretty sure it exists but TV love confuses things.
*Alex Thornber writes short stories, among other things, and has been published in places like Full of Crow, Metazen and The Pygmy Giant.
