Paradise Found Wanting
Heaven turned out to be
a bit shit. The Elysian fields
were littered with burnt-out
chariots,
the Valkyrie looked like hookers,
the angels more like pimps
and, worst of all,
my harp was out of tune.
I beckoned to St Peter,
who was lounging
by the gates. Stubbing out
his roll-up, he sauntered over
and offered me a pair
of rusty pliers. “Y’know,”
I said, “this place is
less like Heaven, more like – ”
As I faltered, Peter smiled
and shook his head. Turns out
even the punchlines
are rubbish here.
Jonathan Pinnock is the author of the novel Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens, the short story collection Dot Dash and the forthcoming memoir Take It Cool. He blogs at www.jonathanpinnock.com and tweets as @jonpinnock.