Helen Of Troy Takes A Citizenship Test
Tired of being Princess
And stunned to read prophecies
Of dumping your kids for the Eiffel boy
You flee and fumble for passport stamp
To world of woman warrior
You hope a brother in Brazil
And legs that last for days
Will help your case at border control
Just swerve that blue bump of yours
Away from Amazon Airport
Detect
and eject male body scanner
A trace of testosterone
And you'll be shipped straight home
To infinite boredom
Cold coffee with Penelope
A list of shallow suitors
Christ, big boys with boats
Never sounded so dull
You falter from fear to fierce
Unknown forest of redbush
And newfound double Ds await you
Did you know your new race
Is both fetish and feminist?
You may be conscripted
But beats being kidnapped
By a son of the sea
Playing out your days
As deity dinner lady
Rinse your hair in the river,
But keep those long limbs of yours
Safe from piranhas.
Did i say piranha?
I meant anthropologist.
Did i say anthropologist?
I meant obstetrician.
*Sarah Crewe: I was born in 1981 in Liverpool. You can hear both sides of the River Mersey in my voice. I wish i was in The Fall.
