A Trip to the Dentist
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(bright light shining)
(head back, eyes closed)
(funny taste, weird smell)
RRRREEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
“Open up wider, please”
“Lift up your chin”
“This may sting a bit”
(needle gum pinching, injection gripping, infection slipping, pricking a purple passive haze)
(cooling circular currents of numb mollify my mouth violently in vertical, soothing, yet massive waves)
EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZ
“Spit”
“That’s a good boy”
(drooling, tongue out, panting like a dog)
RERRRRREEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
“Nurse Ratched, more Novocain”
“Doctor, he’s bleeding a lot”
(suction device probing)
SSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
WWWRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(thinking about changing my chosen brand of toothpaste)
(though it says on the label that nine out of ten oral hygienists recommend it)
(but what if my dentist is the one that doesn’t?)
(what would that mean?)
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“Have you been flossing?”
(nodding yes)
(every evening, Doctor Kevorkian)
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
VRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR
(damn, that drill sounds so high-pitched and horrid)
(why couldn’t they make it sound like Mozart, Cradle of Filth, or at least 50 Cent?)
(and what happened to the other patients from the waiting room?)
(where did that old lady go?)
(and why are all the magazines here from 2003?)
(and what if Edward Scissorhands became a dentist under an assumed name and identity?)
KRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ
URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE
“We’ll have to take some X-Rays, too.”
“I think those wisdom teeth need to come out”
(cavities opening in my bank account)
OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
(levitating in the chair)
(meditating on that scene from the film “Marathon Man”)
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(suddenly that Pixies song “Gigantic” dances into my head, and I am temporarily transported to bliss)
(“Hey, Paul! Hey, Paul! Hey, Paul! Let’s have a ball!”)
(“Hey, Paul! Hey, Paul! Hey, Paul! Let’s have a ball!”)
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(gargle)
(discharge)
(picturing Corbin Bernsen)
EIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEOOOOOOOOOOOOO
EEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXNNNNNMMMMMEEEEEBBBBBEEEEWUWUWUWUWUWU
“Here is my scalpel, cold and hungry”
“Will you marry it?”
(only if it comes with a prenuptial agreement)
(I swear I’m not an anti-Dentite or anything like that)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
PTTTOOOOOOUUUUHHHHHH
“We’re all done here today”
“Don’t eat anything for the next two hours”
“Nurse Ratched will finish you off”
NAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(bleeding, rinsing, rising, walking, puking, gripping my jaw, searching for the old lady)
“I’m afraid your insurance doesn’t cover this procedure”
“Will that be cash or credit card?”
(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
“How will you be paying us today, sir?”
(weeping)
SWIPE, SWIPE, KA-CHING!
“Now let’s schedule your next appointment”
(running)
*
Newamba Flamingo was born and raised on a chicken farm in the Florida
Keys by a suicidal cult of transvestite prostitutes who dressed up in
gorilla suits and played loud Polka music from distorted speakers at
all hours of the night. After escaping the chicken farm, he was taken
hostage by an Elvis impersonator that forced him at gunpoint to write
poetry. His work has been published and featured
at 10K Poets, BadWriter, NC Lowbrow, MySpace, EveryPoet.Net, PoemHunter, and various toilet stalls across Florida.
