{"id":933,"date":"2010-12-21T12:56:00","date_gmt":"2010-12-21T12:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ink.verticalplus.co.uk\/archive\/?p=933"},"modified":"2010-12-21T12:56:00","modified_gmt":"2010-12-21T12:56:00","slug":"flash-fiction-bobby-parker-says-robin-hood-is-not-a-man-in-tights","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/flash-fiction-bobby-parker-says-robin-hood-is-not-a-man-in-tights\/","title":{"rendered":"Flash fiction: Bobby Parker says Robin Hood is not a man in tights"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tights<\/span>

Sunday dinner at the in-laws\u2019 house. The heat was unbearable, the newspaper said that it was hotter in the West Midlands than it is in Rio, Brazil. <\/span>

My wife helped her mother in the kitchen while I sank into the sticky leather sofa, slipping between the cushions, disappearing into a land of lost coins and supermarket receipts. A ball of fluff told me it was bored here, and why don\u2019t we slip out and go for an adventure “<\/span>There\u2019s a rumour about a doorway to a land of failed writers at the back of Waterstones, let\u2019s go there and\u2026<\/span>”  <\/span>
  <\/span>
My wife called me in. I peeled myself out of the sofa and walked into the kitchen where my wife handed me a green dinner tray. Her mother gave me a plate with lamb, potatoes and peas.  <\/span>

The dinner trays my mother-in-law uses are shiny green and slippery. When I plunge my fork into the meat and attempt to cut it the plate spins and slides around the tray like a board game for hyperactive surgeons. <\/span>

“Can I put a newspaper under my plate, please?” I asked. “My plate keeps sliding all over the place.” My mother-in-law nodded.  <\/span>

“There\u2019s going to be a new Robin Hood film,' my mother-in-law said. “And I read that the actor playing Robin Hood refused to wear tights, saying it wasn\u2019t manly! He said Robin Hood wasn\u2019t manly!” She shook her head and a pea fell out of her mouth and rolled between her cleavage. I shuddered. <\/span>

My wife looked as if she wanted to add something to the conversation but her mouth was full of pretend cauliflower. <\/span>


*<\/span> Regular IS&T contributor <\/span>Bobby Parker<\/span> says this story may appear in his new collection Digging for Toys, which should be published next year.<\/span>

<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TightsSunday dinner at the in-laws\u2019 house. The heat was unbearable, the newspaper said that it was hotter in the West Midlands than it is in Rio, Brazil. My wife helped her mother in the kitchen while I sank into the sticky leather sofa, slipping between the cushions, disappearing into a land of lost coins and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-933","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prose-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/933","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=933"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/933\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=933"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=933"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=933"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}