{"id":6879,"date":"2014-06-03T08:00:24","date_gmt":"2014-06-03T08:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ink.verticalplus.co.uk\/archive\/?p=6879"},"modified":"2014-05-27T09:34:44","modified_gmt":"2014-05-27T09:34:44","slug":"jonathan-pinnock","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/jonathan-pinnock\/","title":{"rendered":"Jonathan Pinnock"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Paradise Found Wanting<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Heaven turned out to be<\/p>\n<p>a bit shit. The Elysian fields<\/p>\n<p>were littered with burnt-out<\/p>\n<p>chariots,<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>the Valkyrie looked like hookers,<\/p>\n<p>the angels more like pimps<\/p>\n<p>and, worst of all,<\/p>\n<p>my harp was out of tune.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I beckoned to St Peter,<\/p>\n<p>who was lounging<\/p>\n<p>by the gates. Stubbing out<\/p>\n<p>his roll-up, he sauntered over<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>and offered me a pair<\/p>\n<p>of rusty pliers. \u201cY\u2019know,\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cthis place is<\/p>\n<p>less like Heaven, more like \u2013 \u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>As I faltered, Peter smiled<\/p>\n<p>and shook his head. Turns out<\/p>\n<p>even the punchlines<\/p>\n<p>are rubbish here.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan Pinnock<\/strong> is the author of the novel <em>Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens<\/em>, the short story collection <em>Dot Dash<\/em> and the forthcoming memoir <em>Take It Cool<\/em>. He blogs at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.jonathanpinnock.com\/\" target=\"_blank\">www.jonathanpinnock.com<\/a> and tweets as @jonpinnock.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Paradise Found Wanting &nbsp; Heaven turned out to be a bit shit. The Elysian fields were littered with burnt-out chariots, &nbsp; the Valkyrie looked like hookers, the angels more like pimps and, worst of all, my harp was out of tune. &nbsp; I beckoned to St Peter, who was lounging by the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prose-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6879","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6879"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6881,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6879\/revisions\/6881"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}