{"id":485,"date":"2012-01-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-04T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ink.verticalplus.co.uk\/archive\/?p=485"},"modified":"2020-12-14T11:15:33","modified_gmt":"2020-12-14T11:15:33","slug":"the-eleventh-day-of-christmas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/the-eleventh-day-of-christmas\/","title":{"rendered":"The Eleventh Day of Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Bus Shelter Near Here
<\/span>Austerity carol made from bits of carols and songs<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Here people don\u2019t even know what a chav is. Everyone is a chav.There are no posh folk. Unemployment is rife.<\/span><\/font><\/span>  <\/span><\/font><\/span>ChavTowns website<\/font><\/span>.<\/span><\/font><\/p>\n

<\/span>Once in<\/span>
Away in<\/span>
In the bleak<\/span>

In a shelter mean and<\/span>
Cold<\/span>
Neighbours\u2019 children <\/span>

Drink a<\/span>
Drink a<\/span>
The holly and the<\/span>
 <\/span>

Have yourselves a <\/span>
Deep Pan crisp and<\/span>
We three:<\/span>

KINGS!<\/span>
Wassail<\/span>
WASSAIL!<\/span>

Merry ,merry<\/span>
We all like<\/span>
We all like<\/span>

So bring us <\/span>
And lo <\/span>
(Lol!) <\/span>

Westward proceeding<\/span>
A poor youngling<\/span>
Come all ye <\/span>

And deck the<\/span>
Ding-dong<\/span>
Let nothing you<\/span>

We won\u2019t go <\/span>
Until we\u2019ve got some <\/span>
And he\u2019s bleeding<\/span>

On the snow.<\/span>
Away! Away!<\/span>
The running of the<\/span>

Silent<\/span>
All is calm.<\/span>
What child?<\/span>

Lullay. <\/span>


*Joan Hewitt<\/span> won the 2003 Northern Promise Poetry award.Her first, late-in-life collection is <\/span>Missing the Eclipse<\/span><\/a> (Cinnamon). She is a member of the Northern Poetry Workshop, chair Sean O'Brien. Their anthology <\/span>In Your Own Time<\/span> arrives in April(Shoestring).<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/font><\/span><\/p>\n

All You Get For Christmas (Is A Caudate Sonnet)<\/span>

Season of gifts and Brussel Sproutfulness!<\/span>
The tree is trimmed, the presents all are wrapped \u2013<\/span>
There\u2019s booze for breakfast (booze all day, in fact),<\/span>
The kids are so excited, look! <\/span>Aw, bless<\/span>…<\/span>
I watch the family as they try to guess<\/span>
What\u2019s in those boxes cloaked in stars and tape,<\/span>
Then <\/span>Fools and Horses<\/span>, then <\/span>The Great Escape<\/span>.<\/span>
Do I like Christmas? Sometimes\u2026<\/span>
                    Maybe\u2026<\/span>
                           Yes.<\/span>
So, when I say this, I\u2019m not being perverse \u2013<\/span>
You may believe these words or you may not;<\/span>
My gift to you this year will be this verse \u2013<\/span>
I can\u2019t go spending cash I haven\u2019t got;<\/span>
\u2018Cos if I join that retail Push-and-shove,<\/span>
I might be forced to kill a thing I love.<\/span>
And, since we don\u2019t believe in God above,<\/span>
We won\u2019t waste time with \u201cHappy Birthday Jesus\u201d,<\/span>
But spend our Christmas scoffing lovely cheeses.<\/span>



*Andy Bennett<\/span> is a stand-up comedian and a pot-smoking poet. He writes poetry that, two hundred years ago, would have got him rusticated. Andy also likes the word \u2018rusticated\u2019. <\/p>\n

<\/span><\/font><\/p>\n

\n Setting the Scene<\/span><\/p>\n

Beggars beg and someone
\nBlows a tin whistle
\nFor that woman singing softly
\nTo her just-born child
\nThe world does not deserve<\/p>\n

Hoping that powerful men
\nMay still wisely kneel
\nBeside a cradle once again
\nTo know themselves
\nThrough others. <\/p>\n

\n <\/span><\/span><\/font><\/span>Peter Eustace<\/span><\/a>
\n born in Birmingham, studied in Oxford and settled in Verona, Italy,
\nworking as a translator. Has three books of poems (two in bilingual
\neditions)and contributes to many UK magazines. <\/span><\/font><\/span><\/span><\/font>
<\/p>\n


<\/span><\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Bus Shelter Near HereAusterity carol made from bits of carols and songs Here people don\u2019t even know what a chav is. Everyone is a chav.There are no posh folk. Unemployment is rife.  ChavTowns website. Once inAway inIn the bleakIn a shelter mean andColdNeighbours\u2019 children Drink aDrink aThe holly and the Have yourselves a Deep Pan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-485","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twelve-days-of-christmas-2011"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=485"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":23924,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/485\/revisions\/23924"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=485"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=485"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=485"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}