{"id":366,"date":"2011-09-02T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-09-02T11:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ink.verticalplus.co.uk\/archive\/?p=366"},"modified":"2011-09-02T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-09-02T11:00:00","slug":"helen-of-troy-takes-a-citizenship-test-by-sarah-crewe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/helen-of-troy-takes-a-citizenship-test-by-sarah-crewe\/","title":{"rendered":"'Helen Of Troy Takes A Citizenship Test' by Sarah Crewe"},"content":{"rendered":"

Helen Of Troy Takes A Citizenship Test<\/span>

Tired of being Princess\u2028<\/span>
And stunned to read prophecies\u2028<\/span>
Of dumping your kids for the Eiffel boy<\/span>

You flee and fumble for passport stamp\u2028<\/span>
To world of woman warrior<\/span>
You hope a brother in Brazil\u2028<\/span>

And legs that last for days \u2028<\/span>
Will help your case at border control<\/span>

Just swerve that blue bump of yours\u2028<\/span>
Away from Amazon Airport \u2028Detect <\/span>
and eject male body scanner<\/span>

A trace of testosterone\u2028<\/span>
And you'll be shipped straight home<\/span>
\u2028To infinite boredom<\/span>

Cold coffee with Penelope
\u2028A list of shallow suitors\u2028\u2028<\/span>
Christ, big boys with boats\u2028<\/span>
Never sounded so dull<\/span>

You falter from fear to fierce\u2028<\/span>
Unknown forest of redbush\u2028<\/span>
And newfound double Ds await you<\/span>

Did you know your new race <\/span>
\u2028Is both fetish and feminist?\u2028\u2028<\/span>

You may be conscripted <\/span>
\u2028But beats being kidnapped <\/span>

By a son of the sea\u2028<\/span>
Playing out your days\u2028<\/span>
As deity dinner lady<\/span>

Rinse your hair in the river, \u2028<\/span>
But keep those long limbs of yours\u2028<\/span>
Safe from piranhas. <\/span>

Did i say piranha? \u2028<\/span>
I meant anthropologist.<\/span>

Did i say anthropologist?<\/span>
\u2028I meant obstetrician. <\/span>



*Sarah Crewe<\/span>: I was born in 1981 in Liverpool. You can hear both sides of the River Mersey in my voice. I wish i was in The Fall.<\/span>
<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Helen Of Troy Takes A Citizenship TestTired of being Princess\u2028And stunned to read prophecies\u2028Of dumping your kids for the Eiffel boyYou flee and fumble for passport stamp\u2028To world of woman warriorYou hope a brother in Brazil\u2028And legs that last for days \u2028Will help your case at border controlJust swerve that blue bump of yours\u2028Away from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prose-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=366"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/366\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}