{"id":1150,"date":"2008-01-23T08:29:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-23T08:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ink.verticalplus.co.uk\/archive\/?p=1150"},"modified":"2008-01-23T08:29:00","modified_gmt":"2008-01-23T08:29:00","slug":"two-new-poems-by-amanda-weeks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/two-new-poems-by-amanda-weeks\/","title":{"rendered":"Two new poems by Amanda Weeks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Rumours<\/span>


They said she was a witch \u2013<\/span>
The old woman at number forty-nine,<\/span>
So we never played ball near her house<\/span>
Or chased her cat.<\/span>
The crowd outside the chip shop<\/span>
Moved when she appeared,<\/span>
She never said \u201cexcuse me\u201d<\/span>
Like everyone else.<\/span>

When I fell over, running past her house<\/span>
She heard my scream.<\/span>
I shivered when I saw her<\/span>
And dreaded the torture that<\/span>
She was bound to give me.<\/span>
I couldn\u2019t run and couldn\u2019t shout.<\/span>
\u201cThat\u2019s foot\u2019s broken,\u201d she said.<\/span>
She helped me inside, sat me down<\/span>
And gave me her phone. <\/span>
Whilst I phoned my mother<\/span>
She put a bag of frozen peas on my foot<\/span>
And stuck a lollipop in my mouth.<\/span>
\u201cDon\u2019t tell anyone I was nice to you, mind,\u201d she said.<\/span>
\u201cPeople think I\u2019m evil and I like the peace and quiet.\u201d<\/span>

Now, as I try in vain to finish my script,<\/span>
Kids running up and down the street<\/span>
Shouting, spitting and swearing,<\/span>
I\u2019m half tempted to start a rumour<\/span>
Just like old Agnes did.<\/span>
Then maybe they\u2019d fuck off.<\/span>



Lucky Bastard<\/span>


I\u2019ve never found my G-spot<\/span>
Or a diet that works<\/span>
Or exercise that isn\u2019t hard work<\/span>
Or a work\/life balance<\/span>
Or wrinkle cream that works<\/span>
Or a car that drives like a dream<\/span>
That you could park on a stamp.<\/span>
I\u2019ve never had a stress-free Christmas<\/span>
Or a worry-free holiday<\/span>
Or interest-free credit<\/span>
Or a hassle-free loan<\/span>
Or a boredom-free job.<\/span>
Or diet food that doesn\u2019t taste like shit<\/span>
Or tablets that are easy to swallow<\/span>
Or tampons that make me feel sporty<\/span>
Or shower gel that invigorates<\/span>
Or a comfortable bra<\/span>
Or underwear that\u2019s slimming<\/span>
Or ladder-resist tights<\/span>
Or chip-free nail varnish<\/span>
Or waterproof mascara<\/span>
That can be removed without diesel.<\/span>
Or watched a film which changed my life<\/span>
Or listened to music which changed my life<\/span>
Or read a book which changed my life<\/span>
Or taken a flight without patronising cabin crew.<\/span>
And if you have, you\u2019re a lucky bastard.<\/span>
<\/p>\n

<\/font>\u2022
\nAmanda Weeks lives in Pontypridd, South Wales with husband Carlos,
\nfour-year-old son Travis and a cat called Rita. She began writing eight
\nyears ago when, at 27, she decided to pack in her job as a collector,
\ninvent a pile of A levels and study creative writing and drama at
\nuniversity. She has had several short stories published in anthologies.
\nShe has written for several music magazines. Her Welsh-language
\nscreenplay Catastroffi<\/span> was
\nbroadcast on S4C in 2006, and she's had a further two screenplays
\noptioned to Tornado Films. She recently came third in the Welsh Poetry
\nCompetition. She is currently writing a novel, and is adding to her
\npoetry and short story collections. She is currently working as a
\nsupply teacher at Ysgol Gyfun Cwm Rhymni. Previously, she's worked as a
\ndrama tutor and as an actress.<\/span><\/font>
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

RumoursThey said she was a witch \u2013The old woman at number forty-nine,So we never played ball near her houseOr chased her cat.The crowd outside the chip shopMoved when she appeared,She never said \u201cexcuse me\u201dLike everyone else.When I fell over, running past her houseShe heard my scream.I shivered when I saw herAnd dreaded the torture thatShe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1150","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prose-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1150"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inksweatandtears.co.uk\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}